Turn Away
by demonicbunnies
Summary: Jese meets a street kid who has problems yet refuses the gang's help (i changed the title from Just Keep Walking)
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer- I only own Tyler. In this story Jesse didn't die when the movie ended. Nope, he was just badly injured. Same with Letty and Vince. No Leon in this story b/c I didn't think he was a big character (sry).  
  
Jesse walked by the alley as he walked by all the others, he ignored it. Two men stepped out of it and suddenly it wasn't just an alley. They thrust him up against the wall. "You be friends with Dom, huh," said one. What a night to go out for a 2 o'clock stroll.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"He cheated in the race and we're gonna take it out in your blood." Well this can't be good. Think Jesse, talk your way out of this. Get an open spot and run like hell.  
  
"Let him go," came a new voice, younger. Jesse twisted to see teen-age boy coming out of the back end of the alley, adjusting his fly. Just walk away kid, just walk away.  
  
"Look, why don't you run home to your momma," said one of the guys.  
  
"Why don't you let him go," said the kid, popping open a switchblade. "If you can't think of enough of a reason, try this. If you don't let him go one of you is getting a knife jammed in your throat. I hope you've both seen a priest today." The men looked at each other and dropped Jesse, then took off. Jesse rubbed his throat.  
  
"Thanks kid. What's your name?" The kid didn't say anything, just turned and walked to the back of the alley. He picked up a bag and started to leave. Looks like someone's been having a camp out, thought Jesse, looking at the cardboard boxes arranged in a way to resemble a lean-to. "You live here?"  
  
"Not any more."  
  
"Hey, wait. I'm not going to hurt you!"  
  
"I wouldn't think so. Who's the one with the knife?" Point taken.  
  
"What's your name? I'm Jesse."  
  
"Congrats."  
  
"Look, do you need a place tonight? A friend of mine has a spare bedroom…"  
  
"With what, infrequent night visits?"  
  
"NO! Nothing like that! Just a place for you to crash tonight." The kid jumped off the fence he was scaling and turned to face Jesse, giving him the eye.  
  
"Tyler. Thanks, but I have to slide on the offer."  
  
"Why?" Either this kid, oh wait-Tyler has a problem he doesn't want to talk about or has severe trust issues. I'm offering him a place to stay and he's going to pass it up in favor of a cardboard box?! That can't be normal.  
  
"When, when I'm not where I'm supposed to be He gets mad."  
  
"Who's he?"  
  
"My dad." The kid turned and scaled over the fence, dropping to the other side and walking out of the end of the alley.  
  
Well this was certainly an eventful and fun filled evening. 


	2. Hello Father

Due to the fact it seems Leon can't be lived without, maybe I'll throw him back in. For now, he's still gone. I'm sorry I was so slow to update this but let's all repeat after me, "School is a meaningless waste of 6 hours out of my day, 30 hours a week." That said I give you the next chapter.  
  
Just walk away Jesse. Just walk away.  
  
No, come on, the kid probably needs a place to stay. Just try, one more time. Think about how you'd feel if you were without a home. The kid can't be more than 15.  
  
Just go home, take a hot shower. Attempt to get the oil out from under your nails. Have a beer and watch the game. Jesse listened to the angel and devil on his shoulder, not sure on what he wanted to do. On one hand the fact remained the kid had saved his ass and needed a place to stay. On the other, how was he going to explain to Dom and c/o that his ass had need saving? Dom had only been back for what, 2 months, 2 and a half. He really needed to lie low, to stay out of fights. He was going to keep racing (that was a given) but the gang needed him here, not hiding out in Mexico.  
  
Whilst Jesse debated with himself, he saw the kid, no, Tyler, walk to the end of the alley. He started to turn out but was pushed back in by a large body and the big fist that went with it.  
  
"Where you trying to go?" Jesse heard the body yell. He started to scramble over the fence. The kid did have a switchblade but who could refuse a helping hand against a guy twice the size of them? He jogged up in time to hear the kid say, "Look, calm down Dad." Jesse stopped. Dad? Maybe now is a good time to walk away. The angel didn't protest.  
  
"Like hell I will! Where the fuck is the money!"  
  
"What money?" Tyler sounded confused and panicked.  
  
The man punched him in the face. "The money you stole from my god damn pocket! Where the hell is it!" Tyler shook his head.  
  
"I dunno. I didn't take it. Dad believe me, please."  
  
He was punched again. "YOU TOOK IT! How much you earn tonight? Huh? 20 bucks? 30?"  
  
"15?"  
  
"15?! 15 fuckin' dollars! I know people who would pay 30-" Jesse decided now was a good time to intervene. He took a deep breath and attempted to imitate Dom's demanding voice.  
  
"Hey, you! Leave the kid alone!" He decided to stay masked in the shadows, knowing the fact he was shorter than the man wouldn't help Tyler. The man looked around. He punched the kid in the face and swayed off. Jesse rushed up to the kid. Something dark was making it's way down the tan skin, creating a puddle in the dirt. "hey, look are you alright?"  
  
"Do I look alright?" asked Tyler angrily, looking up. His face had a cut under the eyes, his eye was bruised and it looked as if he was bleeding from the mouth and nose. He took a deep breath, "Look you should have just kept walking. A'ight? Just go." He started to leave.  
  
"No." said Jesse. "You're gonna come with me. You can get cleaned up and a place to sleep. After that, yeah you can leave but I can't let you go. I'm not gonna walk." The kid bit his lip, thinking. He shrugged.  
  
"Fine." They started walking to the bus stop. Jesse kept looking at the kid whose face dripped blood but he made no effort to wipe it off. Sighing he dug out a rag that seemed to be fairly oil-less and handed it to Tyler. Flinching, he took it and held it to the cut under his eyes, which seemed to bleeding the most. "Something wrong with your chest?" asked Tyler, his voice breaking the cool night air like Joshua's ram horns on Jericho's walls. Jesse unclasped his chest, not realizing he held it.  
  
"A couple months ago, I got shot in the chest. It hurts sometimes and sometimes I just clasp it because. I didn't mean to freak you out or anything."  
  
"Naw, I know you what you mean. Like in my sleep I curl into a ball." The two returned to not saying anything. Jesse heard the sound of liquid hitting the pavement and turned to see Tyler wringing out the rag. It was stained a dark red and the blood and oil ran over his hands. He pushed it back on his face. Jesse swore, realizing the kid needing to get to the house now. Shit, he's really bleeding. Jesse kept tapping his foot and looking up and down the street, alternating between clasping his chest and hands together. Finally he gave up and went to the pay phone. As he stood, he jiggled his foot. Mia picked up on the first ring.  
  
"Hola?"  
  
"Mia?"  
  
"Jesse! Where are you! You said you'd be back soon. Dom's ready to go out and look for you!"  
  
"I met someone-"  
  
"A girl?"  
  
"No, there's, there's this kid. He saved my ass and then I ended up saving his and he needs a place to crash so I kinda convinced him to crash at our house but the stupid bus isn't here and do you think you could pick us up?" Mia listened, used to the rushed way Jesse talked.  
  
"Sure. Where are you?" Jesse told her and hung up. He went to stand by Tyler.  
  
"My friend will be here to pick us up in a couple of minutes." Tyler didn't say anything. He was swaying slightly and Jesse couldn't be sure he had even heard him. Christ, is it possible he lost that much blood? A few minutes later Mia screeched up in her nice car.  
  
She saw a teen almost leaning against Jesse, holding a rag to his face, the front of his shirt stained dark. She jumped out of the car and ran around to where the two stood. "Mia," said Jesse gratefully. The teen removed the rag from his face and she saw a small cut from where the blood was pouring. He looked at Jesse.  
  
"I like your taste in friends," he said. 


	3. Car Trip (sry it's atken so long-no muse...

Disclaimer: I don't anyone but Tyler and his dad. ALLL HAIL WHO EVA PLAYS JESSE (currently I forget) but whoever it is-he's hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK, back to the chapter.  
  
Jesse watched Tyler (who sat in the back seat) through the mirror. Jesse felt a little cold although the seat had quickly warmed to his bare back; Mia had stolen his shirt so she could rip it to give Tyler another rag to put on his mouth too. My God I hope he doesn't need stitches. The last time some one needed stitches- who was it, Vince? Mia just grabbed some black thread. Ewww, that was a disgusting sight. Almost as bad as him getting them ripped off. That was just funny. Jesse started when they pulled up in front of the house. Mia practically flew from her seat to help Tyler, her dark hair swishing. Jesse walked next to the youth, wanting to help him but not sure how when suddenly Tyler stopped short.  
  
"Look people," he said, "I appreciate the concern but I'm not a fucking invalid. I can walk fine."  
  
"Oh," said Mia. "Sorry. Look, Jesse, lets bring him around the back to the kitchen. If he drips blood it's easy to wipe from the tile." Jesse nodded. The three entered the shining white kitchen where Tyler was led to a wooden straight-backed chair. Jesse got his first good look at the youth under the fluorescent lights. He had shaggy dark blond hair with the bangs hanging messily in his icy blue gray eye. The eyes caught Jesse's until Mia put hot water on the cut under his eye.  
  
"Ow!" he said quietly  
  
"Sorry, but on the up side of things its stopped bleeding," said Mia.  
  
"Do you have-" started Tyler but was interrupted when Dom marched in.  
  
"Where the fuck have you guys been? Jesse do you ave any idea how worried we were? And Mia?"  
  
"I may have been the cause of that," said Tyler softly, but Dom and now Vince and Letty turned to the youth. Mia kept her hand on Tyler's shoulder as Jesse said, "This is Tyler." 


	4. Enter and Leave

Sorry it's taken me so long to update but my muse has returned! (and has come bearing a school password so I can get onto on of their computers)  
  
Dom entered the gust room softly, now that the impromptu meeting was over and everyone coming to more or less of an idea of what to do with the kid that lay sleeping under the blue sheets tucked up to his chin. Dom looked down on Tyler, who somehow reminded the racer of Jesse. The boy lay prone on his side, eyes close and music faintly trickling from the headphones on his ears. Dom's hand wavered above the blond head, not moving to turn off the CD player as his mind told it to but instead lightly touched the tousled hair.  
  
The next moments were a blur or skin and silver and Dom stepped back, his hand narrowly missing the blade in Tyler's grasp. The boy sat up, bare chest heaving and Dom thought he could see a tattoo. Slowly Tyler snapped the blade down and, placing it under his pillow, said, "In the future you might want to check that someone doesn't have a knife before you lie on top of them."  
  
"WHAT?! I! No!"  
  
"Look- Jesse said that there was no deals, no payments in me spending the night. If he lied then I'll just grab my stuff and go. I'm not-"  
  
"I know. Jesse was the same way his first night here. It's just. God. You look so much like him when you're sleeping. Not physically but the way you fold into yourself, like if you relax, let yourself unfold, then nothing smaller than the boogey man will get you. I. I'm sorry. I'll leave and close the door and I didn't mean to scare you. You can spend as long as you need here and you don't have to spend it in fear." Dom turned and just before the door closed all the way he heard a voice say, "It's a survival habit." 


	5. Banter

Mia turned as Tyler entered the kitchen, yawning, rubbing sleep from his eyes, yanking his shirt down. She looked at the clock (8:00) and then at the face with cuts scabbing over. He was lucky stitches weren't needed. "Hungry?" she asked.  
  
"Always."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Orange juice, milk, coffee, water, sewage."  
  
"Java- elixir of champions."  
  
Charge the pot then. Black?"  
  
"Nah, I'm a weakling. Load it with sugar and milk bitte."  
  
"How much sugar?"  
  
"How many walls do you want foot prints on?" The banter continued up until Mia hesitated in the doorway of the bathroom, after giving Tyler some shower things. "Jesse said you got hit in the ribs. Mind if I look?"  
  
Tyler faltered. He removed his baggy black Staind shirt slowly. His chest was discolored black and blue with yellow peering through at different points. Little scars pockmarked his arms and chest but a pink scar seemed to cover the most area on his right shoulder, though the long scar horizontal to bellybutton had to be taken into consideration. "Dos Mio," whispered Mia. "What happened to you?" "Fights. Streets. My dad."  
  
"Even that," she leaned forward to touch the belly scar. Tyler flinched as her long finger traced the scar. Tyler shook his had. "That's from an operation I had as a kid." "Oh." Mia broke off the topic, realizing Tyler probably didn't want to talk about this. "Your ribs just looked bruised so I'll let you shower and then we'll go to the shop, ok?"  
  
"OK," he whispered, turning away. She glimpsed his back before the door closed and blocked off what she saw in the mirror. His back mirrored his chest in beatings and scars. 


	6. In Line

(7 years Previous)  
  
Tyler stood in the line with everyone else, with all the other newbies, standing in a line with their hands behind their backs. Not too happily, Tyler noticed that he was the youngest in the line, by a at least a year or two. He probably wasn't the only one; he bet everyone else was thinking, "Easy meat." i I'm not going to be bait. I'm gonna be strong. I could take Uncle Jack. I take this. /i  
  
"Durmont. Grand theft auto- 3 years." "Walker. Armed robbery- 2 years." iI'm next /i "Krueger- murder? How old you kid?" i 9 in June /i "8." "You're 8? You lying?" i Nod no, keep your head down. You know what's coming next /i "Well you're here for 6 years. Murder, resisting arrest, possession of a weapon, vandalism, and vagrancy. Get to like this pretty face. You're gonna see it, a lot." Tyler kept his head down. "Look up! You're gonna learn how to listen boy." "So this is a learning experience?" asked Tyler, not being able to help the smart mouth comment. They came naturally, and they came fast, and when they came they were hard to ignore. They were Tyler's only defense, when his legs were bound and hands tied. "Damn right it is. Start taking notes." 


	7. Lady Luck

Disclaimer: I have shallow, unrealistic dreams- like wanting to be Frank Sinatra.  
  
Jesse watched as Tyler entered the shop with Mia, he acted hesitant, like he was afraid of being out of place. Wearing a baggy black shirt he seemed to fade into the shadows on the concrete wall. Exchanging the oil on his hands for the grease on a rag, Jesse walked over and saw what Tyler was staring at, the three black Ninjas against the wall.  
  
x number of hours later  
  
Jesse drove his car with speed and precision, not taking any risks tonight- his car had to be god like for what was coming- a race. The first real race, the first race that mattered since Dom came back. Tyler sat in the passenger seat, head resting on the window's glass. Mentally, Jesse went over the list of things to add to the Tyler encyclopedia:  
  
He liked Ninjas- he hadn't seen him ride one yet but Vince had already agreed to let Tyler joy ride one. Vine might be stupid in some decisions (namely who to and who not to pick fights with) but he had a talent when it came to seeing who could ride a bike and who as bluffing.  
  
He could cook- When he offered to make lunch, to fill in for Mia, no one took him seriously. But damn it, lunch had tasted goood.  
  
He had went to Cambridge- Jesse knew that this was a special JuV for high maintenance cases. He wished he knew why he was there but Tyler was really good at the no talking thing.  
  
They call you lady luck But there is room for doubt At times you've had a very unladylike way of running out You're on this date with me The pickins have been lush And yet before this evening is over You might give me the brush You might forget your manners You might refuse to stay And so the best that I can do is pray  
  
Jesse pulled into the spot next to Mia, leaving enough room in between for Brian, if he was coming, to pull in. "We're here," said Jesse, and Tyler climbed out, soaking in the noise and the dusk; the girls in the tiny tops and the boys in the baggy pants. Tyler turned to Jesse, his face a question that Jesse knew the answer before the words escaped Tyler's throat. "I'm not racing. I don't think anyone is really, maybe just Dom. I haven't really raced for a couple of months, not since I got shot."  
  
"Oh." Tyler paused, long enough for a couple of tube topped girls to start to stalk over- Jesse wondered if they hid special sensors underneath their make up. "Can anyone race?"  
  
"If they got a car. You never been to a street race?"  
  
"I have- mostly to pick up customers, but once or twice, I've stopped for fun."  
  
The tramps were cut off by a wiry man all in black roaring in on a silver and blue Ninja. "Who's that?" asked Tyler. "Seems a bit rude to cut in front of the ladies."  
  
"Joey Hsiao." "He needs to learn how to ride a bike." "Don't tell him that." ''He grips too tight. Needs to get loose."  
  
"Thanks for your advice," came a new voice. "You want me to go tell Joey that?" Tyler turned to the new man, a small man with cropped red hair who too, stood next to a bike. "Didn't know you were the messenger boy. In that case, how bout picking me up a pizza too? Or do you not run errands?" "Oh I was going to not tell Joey but after that.." The man turned and went to go stand by Joey who was winning the ladies by ignoring them all. "You shouldn't have done that," Jesse tried to caution but inside he was smiling- Tyler had balls. " That's Chris O'Hara." "Joey's hang on?" "Yeah."  
  
Luck, be a lady tonight Luck be a lady tonight Luck if you've ever been a lady to begin with Luck be a lady tonight Luck let a gentleman see How nice a dame you can be I know the way you've treated other guys you've been with Luck, be a lady with me  
  
Mia came over to stand with them, attempting to scare off any girls who got the idea to try and make a move on Tyler. "You know your scaring off the girls?" said Tyler. "Why do you think I'm standing here?" "To make me look better." "Shut up!" She pushed Jesse who had started laughing. "You," she pointed to Tyler, "you better watch your mouth." Tyler looked down, along his nose. "I'm looking but my nose is in the way. You'll have to look for me! So tell me, is it behaving? Cause I'd hate to have to yell at it."  
  
"Yeah well-" Jesse faded out as Joey walked, not stalked over. "So Chris tells me that you were insulting my riding?" "Chris? Is that the name? As in Chris, short for Christina?" "Chris, as in you better watch your mouth." "Interesting, a group of friends and I recently had this same debate. Now are you joining in or wasting time?" "Direct. I like that," said Joey, acting like those words were a gift from God. "I'm glad for you." "You know you're attitude is going to get you in trouble and probably cause you a lot of pain." "You know, how about I'll take your advice on my wise ass remarks if you take mine on your riding." Jesse took in breath. Mentally, h began bating Tyler in the head with a two by four. He was going to kick his butt kicked if he didn't shut up. "Now is that so?" "Could be." "How about we race. Then we'll see who should be shutting what." "Fine." Tyler walked over to Vince and spoke to him for a second or two. Vince turned to glance at Joey, then handed him his keys to the Ninja. Now Jesse was sticking the two by four down Vince's throat. What was Vince doing? Now was not a good time to let Tyler joy ride.  
  
A lady doesn't leave her escort It's not fair, it's not nice A lady doesn't wander all over the room And blow on some other guy's dice  
  
Tyler helmentlessly rode the bike to the spray painted line, murmuring to it, getting to know the lady. Jesse didn't need to hear Tyler, or even to see his lips move. If he was a truly had motorcycles in his veins, then that's what he should be doing. Chris attempted to taunt Tyler, asking, " How do we know you won't wet your pants?" "Unless you're planning on loaning me one of your diapers, I'll stay dry." Jesse laughed. If he was trying to out mouth Tyler, he'd have to try harder. Course if Tyler didn't survive this, then chances were big that Tyler wouldn't have much of a mouth left. Pull out Tyler, he urged. Joey plays dirty. But then again, you might not register as enough of a threat for him to bother playing dirty. Let's keep this party polite Never get out of my sight Stick me with me baby, I'm the fella you came in with Luck, be a lady tonight Luck, let a gentleman see Just how nice a dame you can be I know the way you've treated other guys you've been with Luck be a lady with me  
  
The arms were lowered and the two roared off, fast, and Tyler seemed to stay on, holding place with Joey but not pushing it. Slowly, Joey rode closer and closer to Tyler, forcing him to go closer and closer to the buildings and construction refuse. Jesse could no longer tell how close they were to the finish line, but he hoped it was soon. Tyler was getting closer and closer to the wall, closer and close- A lady doesn't leave her escort It's not fair, it's not nice A lady doesn't wander all over the room And blow on some other guy's dice  
  
But Tyler raced forward, taking on speed, actually riding closer to the wall. And then Jesse glimpsed what Tyler was going to do the second before Tyler did it- rocket up one of the wooden planks that hugged the wall, escaping Joey's nudging. Tyler went into the air, and he must have flown over the line because people began to cheer. Sliding to the top Tyler raised his arm in triumph. He rode back, weaving through the group of people who began to cover the bit of highway, mobbing, shouting, exclaiming. Jesse stopped before the dumbfounded Chris. "So do you need a change of shorts or what?" So let's keep the party polite Never get out of my sight Sick with me baby, I'm the fella you came in with Luck be a lady Luck be a lady Luck be a lady, tonight 


	8. Fluff

Disclaimer: I am a product of sex and violence.  
  
Mia watched Tyler ride up the driveway on his Ninja. Dom had offered Tyler a new bike but Tyler had made a deal with Vince- he got the bike that he had rode against Joey and Vince could have the new bike. Vince was happy with the deal; the new bike as souped up beyond belief. Dom couldn't quite figure out why Tyler would pass but Mia got it- it had to do with not screwing over the luck you already had in favor of luck you thought you might get. At least, that was what Tyler had said, more or less.  
  
Jesse watched as Tyler entered the living room. A week had gone by since he had spent his first night there, and he still hung to the corners, still afraid of disturbing the water, getting kicked out. Try hard as he could, Jesse couldn't convince Tyler that that wouldn't happen; he was a part of the family now- the family of speed demons, as Mia liked to call them.  
  
Tyler headed into the kitchen, probably off to grab a beer. Someone else entered through the front door after Tyler had disappeared- blond hair, blue eyes, and love of Mia's life- Brian. Brian came over to say hey to Jesse, everyone else was swarmed with "groupies" and Mia wasn't around- off at a club with Letty. "Hear you guys got a new kid. Biked all over Joey's ass."  
  
"Yeah," said Jesse, making sure that Tyler was still in the kitchen. Those kid's ears must have been especially keen cause he had a knack for knowing when he was being discussed. Maybe they just burned more than other people's. "He's somewhere around 15. Went to Cambridge. Name of Tyler. He saved my ass from some guys and so I gave him here over the streets and turning tricks, pick pocketing. Dad beats him- I saw this- he didn't say it. Good as Vince when it comes to riding, if not better. Drinks a little and no qualms about smoking but I think that's the hardest he uses."  
  
"You try to check him out?"  
  
"Yeah but you know how many white kids named Tyler have gone to Cambridge over the last 10 years? He didn't say when he went and won't tell us why, full name or age. Working on the that though."  
  
"Knows how to keep secrets, I take it."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"He knows about me?"  
  
"No- we haven't spilled your pigness yet."  
  
"Well, don't. I might be able to find out who he is. K?"  
  
"Yeah sure. He's a good kid."  
  
"I bet." Tyler emerged from the kitchen, beer in hand. Brian went over to say hello, introduce himself. They exchanged words and Tyler smiled. Jesse smiled to himself. Looks like we're all off to a great friendship and beautiful beginning, he thought to himself. 


	9. Scream

Disclaimer- there should be something written here, right? The question is what.  
  
Jesse was alerted out of bed by a yell. Knew it wasn't a sexual shriek (he knew those well and that couldn't be one if tried with every decibel) and it didn't sound like one of Tyler's nightmares- those rarely included screams, just more of an odious feeling that shook him awake, forcing any sleep that might have been from his eyes. He thrust his feet onto the wooden floor, shock waves racing through his legs. He stumbled to the door and yanked once or twice before realizing the door was locked.  
  
He stumbled into Tyler's room to see someone with their hands wrapped beneath the teen's arms as Tyler lay loosely. "Hey!" yelled Jesse, diving for Tyler's legs. "Dom!" The figure struggled to pull Tyler towards and out the window, onto the roof of the porch, to drag him into a car, probably. Jesse didn't feel like reasoning it out right now though. Now was probably not a good time. Dom slammed inside, hitting the doorframe, instantly awake, Jesse pulled again and the arrival kicked him in the mouth. Jesse spit out the blood and Dom punched the intruder in the face. Tyler was dropped but Jesse attempted to stop the teen's head from smacking against the hard floor. "Vince!" Jesse's mouth spewed blood with the call. The stranger was pummeled a few more times before he managed to give Dom a low kick and stumble out the window. Vince stuck his head inside for a moment before turning and running outside. The car's roar faded in to distance, taking a clanking muffler with it.  
  
"Is he alright?" asked Letty, cradling Tyler's head in her lap. Jesse sucked on his tongue, trying to get the cut to stop gushing. Vince reappeared, shaking his head until "Call Mia and Brian!" commanded him to run off again. Dom stumbled over to the trio, legs clenched tight.  
  
Tyler turned his head and mumbled. "You lied Jack. Hurts.hurts a lot.."  
  
"Oh God," whispered Letty. "Tyler, wake up. Wake up, and open your eyes."  
  
Tyler looked up blearily. "Owwwwwww. Contrary to popular belief, the pain does not ebb and flow. It kinda just hits you like a sledgehammer from hell. And keeps whacking. Ice, anyone? Or possibly some Novocain or nice painkiller? How about a horse size tranquilizer?"  
  
"Tyler, who was that?"  
  
Tyler sighed, licked his lips and tried to catch no one's eye. "Dom, Letty- "  
  
"Mia will be here in a moment," yelled Vince, barged in.  
  
"Too loud!" Tyler closed his eyes and tried to block out the pain that blared between his eyes. "Dom, Letty, Vince, meet my father. If he had stuck around I bet he would have been glad to meet you too." 


	10. Guilt

Jesse re-awoke to something smelling good. Stumbling downstairs, pulling his hat over his hair, he scratched his bare chest. "So. What's for breakfast?" He walked the last few feet into the kitchen and was greeted by Tyler's bent back, head flat on the table. "He dead?"  
  
Mia turned form the stove. "No. He's asleep. Must have come down here last night after the big. I don't know what to call it. But he's down here so you keep your voice low. Dom and Letty already left and Vince should be sleeping for a little bit longer. So if me and you are leaving I want you to help me carry him back up to his room. Until then he can sleep down here. He deserves it."  
  
"My room's closer."  
  
"OK, yeah. Actually, maybe we should move him now. His neck must have a God- awful crick in it." Jesse sighed and nodded. He didn't want to do this right now; he was hungry. Mentally he shook himself. What was wrong with him? Tyler's dad had shown up in the middle of the night and had almost killed him and he was whining how he was hungry. Christ, the kid had slept in the kitchen, probably cause he was scared. Slowly, he pulled the chair out and Mia caught Tyler's head and torso in her long hands. Jesse dragged his eyes from her figure. His chances were gone there. Slowly, he put his arms underneath Tyler and lifted.  
  
"He's kinda light."  
  
"He's been on the streets! Doesn't say much for his great eating possibilities, now does it?"  
  
"Yeah, ok, sorry. Should I get you the Midol?"  
  
"Excuse me?" "Nothing." Jesse started walking up the stairs, careful not to smack Tyler's head into the walls. The boy's eyelashes fluttered.  
  
"Jack?" Jesse stopped, teetering on the edge of a stair.  
  
"No, it's Jesse. Tyler, are you ok?"  
  
Tyler shook his head. "Jesse? What the hell are you doin'? Put me down."  
  
"No way dude. You sound messed up and groggy. I'm just going to throw you in to my bed because Mia says I have to. Do what you want from there."  
  
"Look, Mia can-"  
  
"Don't finish the sentence. She's craving the Midol and chocolate right about now."  
  
"What do you.oh my God. Too much information." Jesse slowly dropped Tyler onto his mussed up sheets.  
  
"There. Act like you're sleeping for 5 minutes before switching beds. K?" Tyler looked around nervously. He started to sit up. "No. No, I can't. I just. I can't. Lemme up." Jesse kept his hand firm on Tyler's chest.  
  
"Look, just stay here for a minute or two and then get up." Tyler continued to struggle to raise his chest and torso up. Jesse kept pushing his hand down; some perverse part of him wanted Tyler to just give in. Tyler lashed out with his leg and Jesse fell back. "What's wrong with you?!" Jesse asked, suddenly feeling guilty about the power trip. Tyler didn't seem to see him, his chest heaving and his eyes closed. "Tyler?" "Don't do that!" Tyler sounded scared and Jesse began to back towards the door. Mia might be in order. "Don't push me when I say to stop!" Tyler gulped, his throat arching up and down.  
  
"I'm sorry. I just, I just, lost it. I dunno what happened."  
  
"Damn right you lost it. I can't, I can't take that."  
  
"Look, I'm sorry. My bad."  
  
"Hell yeah was your bad."  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
"I dunno. Just leave me alone for a bit." Tyler stumbled out and into his room. Jesse rested his head in his hands. His appetite was gone. 


	11. Caricature

Tyler watched cartoons, the bright colors playing across his face. In his hand he held a glass of milk. Drinking, he made a face and went back to watching the late night anime. "Hey," said Jesse, sitting down next to him. "Cartoon boobs?"  
  
"No, um, going more for the insomniac thing."  
  
"Warm milk?"  
  
"Yeah and it wants to make me do is vomit. The big eyes are kind of scary so that's not helping."  
  
"Cable television and this is the best you can find?"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I dunno. So what do you do when you can't sleep?"  
  
"Go through the car parts we need to order."  
  
"You're kidding."  
  
"Well I do sometimes. Sometimes I think about my dad."  
  
"What was he like?"  
  
"He was cool. You'd like him. He's in jail now. But, y'know, he gave me my first car."  
  
"Cool."  
  
"Yeah, so mind if I sit down?"  
  
"Nah. Mean, I don't mind. I'll shut up now. Go ahead. Damn it." A long pause. The girl with the DD cup in the black bikini giggled and threw another fireball at the giant monster. "You met my father. He never really gave me anything though. Black eyes. Resilience to pain. Guess he made a good impression, huh?"  
  
"Truthfully or sarcastically?"  
  
"Truthfully?"  
  
"Why didn't you tell anyone about your father? There are shelters. If you can stay here why can't you stay at a shelter? I mean, I don't want to sound like I want you out, because I don't but, if your dad, beats you so bad, like the yesterday, or on the stairs, what you said."  
  
"That wasn't my father I was mumbling about."  
  
"Then who?"  
  
"No one."  
  
"OK. But what about the shelters?"  
  
"My dad, my mom is in a mental hospital. She had a break down. I can't go to her. If I go to a shelter my dad can find me. Or he can go and hurt my mom. I came here, well, I came here because I really wanted to stop bleeding and I had been to all the clinics that there was to go to and I couldn't to go to any one with out bringing child services on my ass since you know, severity of beatings, having been there recently. So I came here, got fixed up and I just, it just felt ok. Know?"  
  
"Yeah. I think."  
  
"So why are you here?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"You mean like how do I fit in?" Tyler pushed Mute when a commercial came on. "I just, I just found here. I don't know. I just did. Can't explain it but."  
  
"It felt right."  
  
"Yeah. It did." Tyler took a sip of his milk and sighed.  
  
"Screw that. Tastes so bad."  
  
"You want to go get something to eat?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Like coffee if you've given up on sleeping. Or just drive around. Helps me sometimes."  
  
"Yeah. I like to go to parks at midnight. Not like, working going, but just going. Or like in the early morning, when the ground is wet."  
  
"I sit in the garage sometimes just to smell the grease."  
  
"Go to music stores, play the bass for hours. Get kicked out and go to another one. Tattoo parlors. I like the way ink and paint and markers leave tastes in your nose, in your mouth."  
  
"You play the bass?"  
  
"Sometimes. I like to draw. To drive around." Jesse stood, as did Tyler. On the way out Jesse put his arm around Tyler's shoulders. The TV stayed on, the picture making slides on the dark wall, people speaking but no sound coming out. 


	12. Gift Horse

Tyler looked at Jesse who fiddled with the plastic knife. "Tired?" asked Letty, leaning over to grab the duck sauce.  
  
"Yeah. A little."  
  
"So where were you and Jesse this morning?" asked Dom, trying not to pry but still wanting to know what exactly was going on, straight from the sources' mouth.  
  
"Coffee run," said Jesse, his mouth full of chicken lo mein.  
  
"And you don't bring any back for us?" said Mia, swatting Brian's hand away from her crispy noodles.  
  
"Nope. We're java whores." Jesse rethought what he said a moment too late, shot a glance at Tyler, as did everyone. Tyler chose to grab another egg roll and say nothing, acting as if he hadn't heard.  
  
"So that's it?" said Vince, attempting to change the subject.  
  
"We drove around a bit," said Tyler softly. "And that's it then."  
  
"Oh. So Tyler, have any sketches of art jobs for those cars?" Brian made a slightly better job at changing the subject, Jesse noted.  
  
"Yea, a few, hold on," Tyler got up to rummage through his stained gray messenger bag, pulling out a black sketchpad. Walking back to the table he flipped to the last few pages, catching bits of loose paper and shoving them back in haphazardly. He handed the pad to Brian, everyone crowding over his shoulder to stare at the various designs, some in pencil, some in paints and one or two in marker. Tyler sat and twiddled his thumbs for a moment, played with the knife and then picked up his fork and shoved a mouthful of rice and chicken into his mouth.  
  
"You did all this in 2 days?"  
  
"Uh huh," Tyler swallowed. "Any good?"  
  
"Yeah, most of them. But this one," Dom held up a blue and grey crayon profile of an older woman, crying and intertwining her hands in a curtain, "this is phenomenal. It's not, not." Tyler reached up, over and snatched the picture from Don's hands, folding it carefully.  
  
"You weren't supposed to see that."  
  
"Sorry." Dom handed the sketchbook back. "Jesse can show you how to scan the ones we should have seen and did and then we'll email them off."  
  
"Right." And another cold silence where all involved waited for the subject to change. "My mom."  
  
"What?" Jesse knew he had ADHD and all, and even he seemed to keep a topic, a conversation, running longer than Tyler.  
  
"That's who the picture of."  
  
"Oh." Mia leaned over and touched Tyler's hair for a minute. She grabbed the empty cartons and began to clear off the table. Tyler stood and began to help her, putting his sketchpad back in his bag. Jesse and Letty followed suit, Vince, Dom and Brian going to begin working on the latest car.  
  
"Hey, Ty?" asked Jesse, coming over.  
  
"Ty?"  
  
"Yeah. Tyler just takes too damn long."  
  
"K. Cool."  
  
"Yeah, but when was the last time you saw your mom?"  
  
"When I went to JuV. That's when they put her away."  
  
"Oh. Sorry."  
  
"Not your fault! K, just drop it. K?"  
  
"Yeah, ok. Lemme show you how to work the scanner now. K?"  
  
"Yea." 


	13. Confession

A/N- this story isn't written in real time, just to clarify. For sake of argument let's just set it in January. And on to the story. (if anyone's reading)  
  
(3 days later) "Ty, Tyler, I have to talk to you."  
  
"Yeah ok." Jesse shifted his weight as Tyler walked over, looked at the ground, looked at Tyler's paint splattered, beaten up, pen and marker on the inside soles, shoes. How long since Tyler had had a new pair of shoes?  
  
"Um, um, look Ty," Jesse hesitated. He could feel everyone staring at him. Only Brian knew what was going on though. What do you say? Why are you with your dad? Why didn't you say you were in JuV? "Your mom is dead," rushed out. Oh god. I shouldn't have said that.  
  
"What?" Tyler stared at him, his mouth slightly open. Shocked, unbelieving.  
  
"Brian found your file man. Your mom died two years ago."  
  
"You're lying." Tyler stared at the ground, began moving his fingernails up and down his arms, scratching where the T Shirt didn't cover flesh. Jesse tried to grab Tyler's hands, stop him from hurting himself but Tyler stepped backwards, shoulders curled in. "Don't touch me! You're lying!" Quieter, "You're lying. I did what he said."  
  
"Tyler you got to go the police. OK. Brian's a cop. He'll help you out. K- just, I'm sorry. But-"  
  
"He's a cop? What the hell else did you lie to me about? I, I.Oh god." Tyler kept back up, back hitting a wall.  
  
"Look, Ty-"  
  
"Don't call me that! K! You're lying! SHE'S NOT DEAD!" Tyler pushed Letty off, pushed back Jesse, out of the room. Thundered upstairs, Jesse following, DomBrianLettyMiaandVince following him. Tyler ran into his room, slammed the door but it din't catch in the lock, swung open and Jesse stumbled inside, everyone pushing at his back. He lurched forward, reaching for Tyler's shoe as he climbed out the window, book bag in hand, jumped off the garage roof and onto the ground running. Dom turned and ran out of the house, tried to follow while Jesse leaned against the window frame and watched Tyler run off down the street.  
  
"Shit." 


	14. Go Go Phone Call

(3 days later)  
  
Lordy don't leave me/ All by myself/ Lordy don't leave me/ All by myself/ Lordy don't leave me/ All by myself/ Lordy don't leave me/ All by myself ~Moby "In this World"  
  
"Jesse?"  
  
"Tyler?"  
  
"Jesse please- I, I don't know where I." the sound cut off for a moment and then, "please help me. Please. I think he's. I don't want to die." Tyler sounded out of breath, panicky. Jesse took in a deep breath and motioned to Dom. He pointed at the phone and nodded when Dom said, "Tyler." Mouthed the words 'help' and Dom nodded, came over.  
  
"Tyler, calm down. Where are you?"  
  
"I don't- I don't know. Jesse please; help me! Please..God.."  
  
"OK, Tyler, what's around you?" Jesse tried to say calm though what he wanted to do was get into his car and drive like hell to wherever Tyler might be, find him and drive there and see Tyler smiling an want to come back with him, come home, and not let him keep that scared sound in his voice. The raggedy sound that made Jesse think of someone who'd been punched in the throat, someone choking on their own blood and lungs. Gasping.  
  
"It's dark out! Lot of buildings, abandoned. There aren't any streetlights. can't see anyone. Please, Jesse. afraid of what he's going to do to me." Jesse strained to hear Tyler, who sounded as if he was whispering through a tunnel  
  
"What happened? You're fading!"  
  
"My dad found me.said that.I asked him.. she's dead. She's dead. Jesse, she's dead. Oh God, Jesse he's coming. Jesse please help-" Sounded like the phone was dropped, someone yelling and a whimper like a dog being kicked. Then someone hung up the other line. "I'm sorry, your call can not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again," came the metallic tinny voice and the piercing beep. Jesse stared at the white plastic phone receiver in his hands.  
  
~So many times I'm down/ Down down/ So many times I'm down/ Down down/ So many times I'm down/ Down down/ With the ground/ 


	15. Any Random Alleyway

Disclaimer: I do not own Guster or their song "Come Downstairs and Say Hello". Could someone buy them for me? PLEASE?! (especially Brian?!-the drummer) Oh, and don't own TFATF.  
  
Also, I apologize to anyone who has been anticipating an update to any piece of fiction/ fan fiction- I'm in the process of moving. Grotty. ***  
  
Dorothy moves to click her ruby shoes Right in tune with the dark side of the moon Someone, someone could tell me Where I belong Be calm be brave it'll be ok  
  
"Jesse where is he?" asked Dom, tapping Jesse on the shoulder. "Jess, Jesse, where is he? Where's Tyler?"  
  
Jesse continued staring at the phone in his hands, not saying anything, his mouth still moving over the last thing Tyler had said to him- 'please. Please help'. What he wanted to say back- 'I will. I will. I will.' Dom shook Jesse's shoulder, spinning him to face him, more or less, Jesse's eyes, his head still drifting back to the receiver. "Jesse! Wake up! Concentrate! Where's Tyler!" Mia was going in now. "Where is he Jesse?" Letty and Vince. "JESSE!" Mia slapped Jesse then and he woke up, his head stopped ringing from the beep and started stinging from Mia's hand's impression.  
  
No more messing around and living underground And new years resolution By this time next year I won't be here I turn on MTV, the volumes down Lips move they say It'll be ok  
  
"He's-his dad, his dad showed up. He hung up the phone but I think. Tyler thinks he's gonna kill him. Knows he is. Tyler, he just said he was, there were lots of abandoned buildings, no street lights. that's all he got out."  
  
"Jesse that's seventy five percent of the city! How are we going to find him?" asked Letty sounding panicky, and that was strange to Jesse's ears, that got through because Letty never sounded panicky, not when they were lifting cars, not when she was racing, not when there was the oil fire that almost burned down the shop. Not then. But now.  
  
"I don't know!" Jesse spun away from Dom's grip and Mia's pull on his arm and everyone's eyes and grabbed his car keys, grabbed them and headed for the door.  
  
"Jesse wait!" Letty grabbed the back of Jesse's shirt, pulling back.  
  
"I'm looking for him! I don't care if I drive forever through this city- I'm finding him! I'm not letting him die; I'm not letting anything happen to him!"  
  
"OK- got your cell?" Dom flipped him his own when Jesse shook his head no. "I'll call Brian- see what he can do. Maybe get the cops looking. Jesse, where do you think Tyler would be?"  
  
"Maybe, some place he thinks is safe, if he can run away. The shop, parks. He likes music stores, tattoo parlors. Clinics. Shelters maybe. But he said his dad could find them there so I don't know; don't think he would go there. He might head here but I don't know, he sounded scared, weak, like someone had been beating the shit out of him for the past 3 days.  
  
To tell you the truth I've said it before Tomorrow I start in a new direction One last time with these words from me I'm never saying them again And I shut the light And listen as my watch unwinds  
  
"And someone probably has! I need to help him. I'm going!" Jesse finished, turned again and ran out the door, this time no one stopping him.  
  
Dom went over to the phone and Letty and Mia headed for their own cars, Vince climbing into Letty's, with their own phones in hand, starting out a triangle of searching. "Brian?"  
  
"Mia? Why are you calling here?"  
  
"I need your help. Are you at work?"  
  
"Yes. What's wrong Mia?"  
  
"Tyler called. Jesse and Letty and Mia are out looking for him, and Letty is dropping Vince off at the shop so he can grab a bike. His dad is going to kill him Brian! You need to get the police on this!"  
  
"Mia I can't. I can't get off from work. You know how the guys here are. Slave drivers."  
  
"BRIAN! TYLER WILL DIE IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING!"  
  
"There's nothing I can do Mia to help you until I get off shift!"  
  
"What about his dad, what about his uncle- that's a police thing! He's got his record!"  
  
"That would be juvenile department for his record and I know for a fact that they're overworked, they can't spare anyone, they'll refuse to. And about his dad and what he's wanted for, that's child services."  
  
"What if I give myself in? Brian, tell your damn superiors that I'll go to jail for the thefts if they get every man they have out there!"  
  
"No Mia that won't be necessary. You said he called?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then we'll check the phone records. Keep your cell phone on." As Brian turned off the phone Dom could hear him yelling at the officers, barking. Dom chose not to recognize the tone in his voice as similar to his own, instead running out the door, hoping it slammed shut and locked behind him.  
  
To tell you the truth I've said it before Tomorrow I start in a new direction I know I've been half asleep I'm never doing that again  
  
******** (later)  
Jesse parked his car at the end of another block, ran up and down it screaming, "TYLER! TY! TYLER! TY! TY! TYTYTYTYTYTYTYTY!" He sprinted back to his car, ready to drive one block over when he noticed his cell phone was beeping. "Yeah?"  
  
"Jesse, where've you been?" Mia. It was Mia.  
  
"Looking!"  
  
"You should have kept your cell on- they traced the phone call." Mia gave him the address and numbly he realized he was close by, 3 blocks off.  
  
"I'm near by- I'm going."  
  
"K. We'll meet you there." Jesse just hung up, drove down a new street that looked exactly like the ones he had seen before, parking his car, he thought he parked his car, and began searching. Up and alley, down an alley- he only had two left, maybe he'd go back and search the buildings- then he saw more headlights, came out of the alley to Letty, Mia, Dom pull up. Dom rolled down his window as Jesse ran over.  
  
"Cops are sweeping around this section and have everyone out on patrol looking. Vince and Brian are searching back by the house and the shop and Brian and I called some racers- they're checking the parks. Alright so Mia, you and Jesse- you've done the alleys?"  
  
"Yeah. But not the buildings."  
  
"Alright, Letty and me will go after you recheck and look in the buildings, and you and Mia finish the alleys and then go on to the next block. Keep your cell on, with you. Call Brian if you find anything, clothing, his bag, alright?"  
  
"Yeah, ok. Mia?" Jesse jerked his head; she nodded. They headed off.  
  
I look straight at what's coming ahead And soon its gonna change in a new direction Very night as I falling asleep These words repeating in my head  
  
They moved on opposite sides of the alley, checking impossible spots, under boxes, through muck, Jesse shoved his hands through a decaying dumpster and just wiped the remaining refuse off on his pants without thinking or caring. He started to move on and then noticed a small pile of clothing next to the dirty metal. He knelt down to touch them and felt wetness, felt skin. "Tyler?"  
  
The pile stirred and lifted a head. "Jesse?"  
  
"Tyler, what happened to you?" Even in the shadows, even at midnight, Jesse knew there shouldn't be so much blood everywhere, that that blood should be in Tyler, not out of him, that's what arteries are for. That's what veins and skin and.. That's. that's..  
  
"Jesse?" Tyler's quiet, defeated voice cracked slightly, his eyes that looked like little sparks, little dying spitfires in the dark, closed and his head started to fall back. Jesse shoved his hand between the skull and the wall, cradling Tyler's head in his hands, Tyler leaning a little against him, his shoulder pushing against Jesse's chest. Jesse moved so he was closer to Tyler, cradling him, trying to hold Tyler together.  
  
"Mia! MIA!" Tyler winced at the sound, the loud voice.  
  
"Please, Jesse.. Go.."  
  
"What?" Jesse shoved his ear by Tyler's mouth to catch the wet words, feeling spit and what he hoped was spit hitting his ear, catching the words that Tyler whispered, his voice breaking with static.  
  
"Go. he's gonna come back. he has a gun. go.. Please.."  
  
"No Tyler, I'm not going to leave you. You're coming with me or I'm not going at all." Jesse turned his head and noticed just how hazy his eyes looked up close- fading, he was fading fast. Then Mia was there and she was running her fingers over Tyler's face and over his chest, under Tyler's shirt and Jesse knew she was trying to be gentle and she was trying to be careful and she was checking to see how bad he's hurt but when Tyler moaned out because she rubbed her thin fingers against a mass of sore flesh Jesse couldn't help but snap, "be careful." And Mia understood how worried he is so she didn't say anything. Jesse arranged his legs so Tyler was almost sitting in his lap now, Jesse holding Tyler in an embrace.  
  
Voices calling from a yellow road To come downstairs and say hello Don't be shy just say hello  
  
She didn't touch Tyler's arm though and neither did Jesse because he could tell by looking at it and the way it rested against the ground that it was broken, something in there was not where it was supposed to be, it didn't take 3 years of nursing school Jesse didn't have to know that no one's wrist should bend that way and stay there.  
  
Mia yanked out her cell phone and dropped, cursed softly and then louder again as she waited for it to turn back on; Jesse muttering nonsense words, phrases, list of car parts and cars he had worked on to Tyler, tried to get Tyler to stay awake, alive because Jesse wasn't sure if Tyler would wake up again if he let him fall asleep. Tyler just whimpered slightly, shook a little. Mia barked out where they were, told Dom to bring his car, and started dialing Brian. They both turned when they heard footsteps at the end of the block, Jesse craned his neck around the trash, looking to see Dom. Wasn't Dom though.  
  
To tell you the truth I've said it before Tomorrow I start in a new direction I know I've been half asleep I'm never doing that again  
  
A man, built like a football player stood there instead, gun in hand. "Who? Thought I made it so you couldn't talk!" Jesse heard the voice and it hit the memory, the description he knew of Tyler's father, of the night when he first met Tyler- the rusty voice that Jesse associated with cigarettes and years of too much whiskey.  
  
"Dad," said Tyler softly, making a statement in a conversationalist tone, no fear no apprehension but his voice no louder than before, and Jesse heard him only because no one else was making a sound except for Brian who was asking for Mia, yelling into the phone, asking if everything was ok.  
  
"You two, get out of here. This does not concern you. Lave the little shit and go."  
  
"No," said Jesse, keeping one arm wrapped around Ty, shielding him.  
  
"Jesse," said Tyler. "Go, I'll be fine."  
  
"No." The man, Jesse couldn't think of him as Ty's father, laughed. A short laugh and then stepped forward, pushed Mia who stood there shocked- she hit the ground, her cell smacking against the pavement and making a cracking noise. He shoved Jesse off, Jesse's arm dragging Tyler almost on top of him, Tyler gasping at the pain of moving and pressure on injuries. The man pushed a gun against Ty's ear, kicked him in the ribs then again and again, stepped on Tyler's arm, the busted one, and was rewarded with a short scream. Shoving the gun back against Tyler's ear, he turned to Jesse who had started to stand up, after catching a few of the kicks, holding out a hand to shove himself between Tyler and his father.  
  
"Go. Or I shoot him."  
  
"Not quite," said Dom, walking in, a gun in his hands, a slightly larger gun than the one in Ty's father's hand. Jesse heard a siren coming closer, another siren slightly off, then a third- forming a bizarre round, pulling in closer.  
  
I look straight at what's coming ahead And soon its gonna change in a new direction Every night as I falling asleep These words repeating in my head  
  
Tyler's father dropped the gun, which was holding Tyler upright and Jesse had to dive forward and scrape his hands and wrists along the ground to catch him and hold him in his lap and Jesse was pretty sure he was holding Tyler together, it wasn't just the cloth Mia was ripping off her shirt, off Jesse's. 


	16. Hospice

There is a castle on a cloud/ I like to go there in my sleep/.. There is a lady all in white/ Holds me and sings a lullaby/ She's nice to see and nice to touch/ She says 'Cosette, I love you very much'  
~Castle on a Cloud  
Les Miserables  
  
Tyler opened his eyes for a moment; it had felt like there were padded rocks lying on his eyes. All he saw was white. Walls curtains light, white, white, white. He tried to move his right hand but something thick and heavy kept him from doing so. Tyler closed his eyes and let his eyeballs roll up, fall back into their sockets and sink into blackness.  
  
The next time he awoke there was someone else in the room. "Mom?" The woman turned and had not Tyler felt like he was sinking, into the bed, into darkness, he would have felt stupid. This wasn't heaven; his mother wasn't here. No short brown hair, hollow eyes, no small bones collapsing into one another, no oversized sweaters hanging off her frame like rags off a bird pecked and feces splattered scarecrow.  
  
"What honey?"  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"St. Christopher's Hospital."  
  
"I have to go." Tyler would have put up a better show of attempting to get up had he not felt like he had been embalmed while he had lay unconscious.  
  
"Don't you dare. Your friends already told me to keep an eye on you..." Tyler mumbled something incoherent and fell back into the darkness. He awoke again when he felt someone's hand tracing his face. Involuntarily he shivered- Jack? Dad? Oh god, why did he hurt so badly? Like he had been beaten and rap- no, no he wouldn't think of that, he wouldn't think, he would just ignore the pain. He opened his eyes and met Jesse's.  
  
"Oh God, Ty." Jesse sounded husky, teary. Why would Jesse be crying? He felt Jesse's finger again, calloused, tracing a line on his face. Something felt wrong with his face. It felt stiff, he couldn't.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You don't remember Ty? Your dad." Tyler remembered dark. hiding. his  
father no Jesse picking him up and then his father had come kicking  
and punching and something else.. Cold.. Metal, that was it. Cold  
metal against his throat? No. That was where his father's rings had  
punched. that's why his voice sounded weird. so he couldn't yell for  
help. or call Jesse like he had. he had called Jesse. and he had come.  
Cold metal against his ear, he could only hear the sound of the ocean,  
coming from the barrel, a gun. It had been a gun. Bleeding, his face  
had been bleeding, his mouth had been bleeding; he had been bleeding  
in a lot of places.  
  
"I do. Where is my dad?"  
  
"Jail."  
  
"Oh. What do I look like?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"My face. feels funny. What do I look like?"  
  
"Tyler. I don't know. maybe you shouldn't."  
  
"I want to know." Jesse picked up a hand mirror that someone had left  
behind after sitting with Tyler as he passed in and out of  
consciousness.  
  
Tyler looked at his body first- that seemed safer, covered with a  
sheet- only his knee seemed to hurt, pulse slightly. His wrist was in  
a cast- he could only just move his fingers. God, his drawing hand.  
His father had to have known, he had to have chosen that hand for that  
reason. Slowly Tyler moved the mirror up with his left hand- a little  
harder to do so because he didn't use his left hand all that much. His  
arms were scratched and bruised, had welts on them, cigarette burns.  
  
Tyler tried not to flinch when he looked upon his throat- it was a  
massive blue gray bruise tinted purple on the edges; when he swallowed  
he watched the bruise move up and down like a parasite feeding off his  
flesh. He closed his eyes and moved the mirror up so when he dared to  
look he would see his face. He opened his eyes.  
  
They were both black and blue and his nose had a cut on the bridge- it  
looked, felt broken. His eyebrow had been split then sewed back  
together and he had stitches in his lower lip, holding two pieces of  
flesh together with string. His chin had stitches too, an inch of  
string creating a diagonal cleft there. His face was cut up, scabbing,  
swollen; he had stitches under his eye, along his cheekbone. For a  
moment Tyler wondered how that had happened. Then another wave of  
pain, of sleep, of unconsciousness, of bliss, of blackness and Tyler  
dropped his hand down and fell asleep, not realizing he winced  
involuntarily when the mirror hit his ribs or that Jesse continued to  
trace the cuts on his face with a finger. 


	17. Life After Father

Tyler opened his eyes again. He didn't want to, really. Watching behind his eyelids, his mother used to say. He just knew he should- he heard someone else in the room, breathing, and it would be stupid for him to pretend to sleep and wait for the person to leave. He had been doing that, off and on- faking sleep when the nurses came in until real sleep came.  
  
He opened his eyes.  
  
Mia sat there and he looked at her for a moment. She looked beautiful, her hair up and her eyes closed. She was wearing the reading glasses she didn't like to admit she needed, a magazine draped across her legs- a Red Book dated years ago; she must have removed it from the waiting room. She was leaning back in her chair, he thought she was sleeping. For a moment he wondered how long he had lay here. He moved his legs; they rustled under the papery sheets, the soft blanket. No boxers. No pants. Tyler bit own on his panic. It was ok, he could get those, no one was going to- he stopped, stopped his thought. Well, tried to. It came out anyway- like if he tried to stop a penny from falling from his hand, or tried to halt a bullet after it had exploded from the chamber, and he breathed the words into the air, expecting to see the words written in cigarette smoke (his lungs felt filled with pus during some breaths and scraped clean during others), not being able to keep them in and stop them from living, from being true. 'No one is going to touch me, to rape me.' Especially now that he heard them in the air, they sounded feeble. They sounded stupid.  
  
Tyler directed his attention to his wrist, his left, no cast hindering its movement. There was a needle taped into his flesh, the needle attached to a wire, attached to a screen, attached to an electrical plug that fitted into a socket. For a moment Tyler felt like an electrical socket. He wondered, if he stuck if his fingers in his mouth, would he be electrocuted? Bringing his left wrist over to his right hand he tried to bring the thumb and index finger together, to remove the plug. But the plaster hindered the fingers' connection so he brought his wrist to his mouth and plucked the needle out with his teeth. Immediately blood welled up, but not too much. Fluid gathered at the tip of the needle and dripped in a long drop that landed on Tyler's nose, as he held the needle up for inspection.  
  
He placed the needle back onto the cover sheet and watched it begin to form a small puddle rivaling the pinprick on his wrist.  
  
He shook his head to scatter the drop off, felt it shift and slide down his nose and off his lips instead. Tyler shifted his glance to the window, the drawn curtains that were like gauze. Mia stirred and he turned back to her, watched as her eyes opened. Their gaze met and Mia startled. "Tyler?"  
  
"Hey Mia."  
  
"Tyler, you're awake? How are you? How do you feel?"  
  
"Could I have clothing?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Boxers. Pants. Shirt. Please?" Tyler didn't mean to sound desperate but it still came out scared and whiny. Tyler hated sounding whiny. That was up there with begging. Being scared. Crying. He thought he had been doing a lot of that lately.  
  
"Sure, anything." She looked a little shocked, a little uneasy talking to him. He supposed that of late he had resembled a corpse of some sort.  
  
"Uh, how long have I been here?"  
  
"A little more than a week and a half."  
  
"When did I talk to Jesse?"  
  
"Yesterday, about midnight he said. Today's Tuesday, it's about 11 in the morning. Are you hungry?"  
  
"A little. I didn't think visiting hours went to midnight."  
  
"They usually don't but your first night here, Brian just flashed his badge and we all piled in here, everyone- Dom, Vince, Jesse of course, Brian, Letty and me. Since then the doctors have just said ok, just not to all of us in the room again. The first night, that was scary. Your breathing, it was so erratic. You kept spitting up blood."  
  
"What do the doctors say is wrong with me?"  
  
"Well, your wrist. It's pretty badly broken. They said it should take about 12 weeks to heal, 9 weeks in you can have a soft cast if all goes well."  
  
"What's that do?"  
  
"It just allows more mobility."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"You knee was. they think it was just strained, stressed. But that should heal soon. Ty, the doctors said you were rap-"  
  
"Do you think I could learn to be ambidextrous?"  
  
"What?" Tyler couldn't blame Mia for being confused. He had cut her off but they both knew what she was going to say. He looked at the wall, then back at the puddle of his sheet. It had grown larger where as the puncture on his wrist had not. He scratched the cut with one finger on his right hand, the plaster itching against the base of his finger, drawing up blood.  
  
"Or maybe I could try drawing by holding the pencil in the crease of my elbow or I could, I could take photos or do film or something." Tyler knew he sounded like he was coming unglued. He was pretty sure he wasn't unglued, not yet anyway, which must mean there was the possibility.  
  
"Tyler? Are you ok?" Mia gently touched Tyler's hair, brushed a bang off his forehead. Tyler flinched a little and Mia sighed, removed her hand. No, thought Tyler, willing Mia to go back to touching his forehead; it had felt nice, her cool hand had, wiping, smoothing away the pain and anger he was bottling up, he had been bottling up. "Each of your ribs is pretty much cracked."  
  
"Yeah, I feel that."  
  
Mia smiled. "Would think you do. If you couldn't, that could mean something."  
  
"Probably something negative, huh?" Tyler tried to smile too. Tried to make her laugh. She got up.  
  
"I'll go get you some clothing, k?"  
  
"Alright. Thank you." Mia nodded, bent down and kissed Tyler's forehead and left, closing the door quietly behind her.  
  
*A little later*  
  
"Tyler? Tyler?" Tyler raised his head. He must have fallen back to sleep, drifted really. Dom and Mia stood there, looking down. Mia held up a pair of Tyler's jeans and a pair of his black cargo pants. "Your choice."  
  
"The black Gucci Mia."  
  
"And for shirts, Mr. Rivera?" She held up a gray T Shirt with black sleeves that Tyler had never seen before and his graying green Guster shirt.  
  
"The gray black, dahling." Tyler drawled the dahling and Dom smiled shook his head in mock disbelief. Tyler chose not to let himself feel stupid; he wanted to smile so bad for once.  
  
"Distinguished taste sir. And for the over shirt?" She held up a gray green sweatshirt that said, 'Go to Idaho' on it and a blue zip up made for runners; neither shirt looked familiar.  
  
"The gray green."  
  
"Marvelous Tyler. Now, do you need help?"  
  
"No!" Shit, thought Tyler. He shouldn't have sounded so rushed, so pushy. Mia and Dom stiffened and Dom nodded.  
  
"We'll be outside if you need us," he said and Tyler nodded, looked down at the clothing Mia had laid across the bed, the package of new boxers, dark blue. She must have run to the store. He struggled to sit up and stopped, gave out a short yelp. Oh God. His ribs cried out and the burn lingered for a few moments. He breathed slowly and then tried again to sit back up. He gave a short scream. No, no, no. Anything that hurt that much was not good. Dom knocked and entered as Tyler flopped back down, his forehead sweating from the exertion.  
  
"Tyler? Are you all right?" Dom came over to rub Tyler's shoulder.  
  
"Can't, can't sit up."  
  
"Alright, so here's what we'll do." Dom fumbled around beside the bed and picked up the switch that controlled the parts of the bed. "I'll elevate the top half, and you tell me when it hurts alright?" Dom started to push the switch and Tyler bit the inside of his mouth, resolving not to grimace, biting until he was sitting straight up. "As your ribs heal it should be easier for you to move about."  
  
"I know." Tyler remembered for a minute other cracked ribs, other pained breaths and clinics, a lot of clinics.  
  
"OK, so do you want help with your clothing?" Tyler looked down at his clothing and then at any other place than Dom as he whispered, 'yes. Please.'  
  
"All right." Dom slid his hand behind Tyler's head and untied the string that held the top of his paper gown up. Tyler closed his eyes and tried to close his ears at Dom's gasp as Tyler's bruises were revealed. "Can you raise your arms?" Tyler obliged and felt Dom start to slide the shirt over his arms, over his cast and, Tyler felt Dom's hand against the base of his back, levering him forward and sliding his shirt over the gauze and bandages wrapped around Tyler's chest, under his arms to over his navel.  
  
Tyler leaned back against the bed and closed his eyes. A shirt. Why could something so simple make him feel so tired? "Do you want to try. boxers?" Tyler nodded; stubbornly refusing not to think about looking at Dom. Dom started to move the sheet down.  
  
"NO!" Tyler swallowed dry spit and went back to feeling stupid. That seemed to be common enough to be working.  
  
"OK. Tyler, it's ok. We'll think of something."  
  
"You could really give Mr. Rogers a run for his money right now, you know that?" Dom laughed and paused for a moment and then laughed again. Tyler smiled and then laughed a little, picturing Dom in room filled to the sandbox with kindergarteners.  
  
"Alright, so what if maybe we turn you around so your legs are hanging off the bed and then maybe you could just slide up the boxers on your own. K?" Tyler mumbled 'ok' and tried not to breathe as Dom moved him to the edge of the bed, tried to ignore the fact that he was pretty much sitting on Dom's arm. "Tyler? Tyler, you can open your eyes now. I'm going to turn around, alright." Tyler opened his eyes and stared at Dom's back. For a moment he wanted to cry, he wasn't quite sure why exactly though. Drawing in one breath he leaned down quickly and yanked up the boxers as far as they would go- to his mid thigh where the edge mattress began to press against his skin, hindering the process. He couldn't stand up on his own, not without someone first putting him on his feet and then he wouldn't be able to bend down far enough to lift his boxers. And he couldn't hold himself above the mattress with one hand and pull them up with the other. Damn it.  
  
"Dom? I... need help," said Tyler quietly. Dom turned around and assessed the situation.  
  
"How about. I'm gonna pick you up and.. do you think you could stand?"  
  
"Yeah. Think so."  
  
"Alright. I'll pick you up and then.I'll pull them up all right? Cause I know it's hurting you like hell to move- no one breathes and gasps like that if they're not in pain."  
  
"It's just. I don't want you to look." For a moment Tyler was reminded of JuV group showers, where everyone could see what you had, what you didn't have, what you were never going to get. Of scrubbing in the corner and praying to god no one tried to touch you or steal your towel or your clothes.  
  
"I won't. Look, I'll lift you out and then close my eyes. Do you trust me? I mean, if you want. Mia could-"  
  
"No. I. I trust you." Tyler rocked for a moment. Dom picked him up and Tyler tried not to flinch. He really did. Especially when Dom pulled up his boxers- he knew Dom's eyes were closed, he could see how Dom was over exaggerating the action. He still couldn't keep his breathing from shaking and racing, couldn't help the fact he wanted to curl into a little ball in a corner of a small room that locked from the inside though.  
  
"Ready for the pants?" Tyler nodded and lifted his feet, one two, then closed his eyes as Dom pulled those up too, screwing with his boxers but damn it, he'd fix those later no way Dom was helping him there. He'd have to start learning how to do things on his own. Mia knocked on the door and opened it a little.  
  
"May I come in?"  
  
"Yeah," said Tyler, sitting back down or a moment on the edge of the mattress.  
  
"Stylish Coda."  
  
"Coda?"  
  
"Means elbow in Spanish- three years of it and that's what I remember." Tyler forced a smile and looked at his elbow. 16 weeks should be a long enough time to learn how to draw with his left hand. Or his elbow.  
  
16 weeks was also long enough to get really good at faking sleep. 


	18. Nota Bene

nota bene- take careful note  
  
"So what's going to happen to me?" Brian turned from where he stood, almost out the door, on his way back to work. Tyler fiddled with the crayons that he had taken from the children's area, which lay in his lap, on top of his sketchpad. He had been trying to sketch Brian, managing to barely hold the crayons but it didn't feel right. He'd have to make it feel right.  
  
"Your father pleaded guilty to kidnapping you, to lessen his charges of child abuse. So, you're off the hook, a free citizen. Your father on the other hand is facing up to life, or several life sentences based on charges of child abuse, rape-" Tyler swallowed hard on that word and tried to make his lungs relax like the shrink had told him, showed him to, so he wouldn't have an anxiety attack. "Attempted homicide and possession of a weapon."  
  
"No trial?"  
  
"Nope. He pleaded guilty."  
  
"So where am I staying?"  
  
"Well right now Ty, you're here for another week- observation- you were really beat up, you had us all scared. But." Brian broke Tyler's glance and looked down for a moment, at Tyler's jeans draped across a chair for tomorrow. "Your uncle is coming out to get you in a few days. You're going to back to New York."  
  
"What?! No, I can't, I can't go with him. I can't. I can't!" Tyler tried to make his throat stop constricting. Concentrate on your lungs, they need to breathe he thought. Then- screw your lungs. Screw breathing. Oh Christ. Him. Him. Him. He's coming. He'll kill me for what I did.  
  
"Tyler the law doesn't have any reason not to let you go with him. If you would tell anyone, hell me Tyler! What the bastard did to you and it could be proved, even now, then you'd be in child services. But the only thing we've got is that you've got heavy scarring from being abused but you won't say where you got those scars! You have bite marks Tyler! Bite marks! .Tyler? Ty? Calm down ok? Breathe? You're all right. You're ok." Brian was walking across the room and to bend down and rub Tyler's back, the red T Shirt wrinkling under Brian's warm hand.  
  
"I. I. please Brian, don't make me, please don't make me, I'll be good if you don't make me, I'll do anything you want, please, please don't make me go with him, please? Please? Please Brain please?" Tyler was wrapping his hands in his black pajama bottoms that he had been wearing every night- they were long enough to rub against the floor when he managed to get up on his own and walk to the bathroom.  
  
"Tyler, calm down. Should I get a doctor?" Tyler shook his head no. He needed more than a doctor; he needed a place to hide. He needed the Everglades. He needed the Himalayas. He needed Everest, or to be at the bottom of Niagara Falls, with the water pounding him into the rocks, pounding him into someone else. Maybe a fish. He could be a fish. Or a rock. Just not, just not Tyler because fish ad rocks don't have uncles. Don't have uncles who- "Tyler, it's ok. All right? We'll fight to make them let you stay here but we can't do anything until you tell us what's happened to you, how you got your scars. OK?" Brian sat back down, on the corner of the bed and wrapped an arm around Tyler's shoulders, Tyler stiffening, and then blurting it all out. He would have to one day, right?  
  
"He used to hit me. He'd hit my mom too, smack her around and say he deserved it cause she was crazy. He'd take her pills and hide them and then. beat me if I found them for her cause he loved having something to make her cry over, she'd get really upset. and then he'd act like there were plain sight all along saying she was stupid, she must not have wanted to take them, she must not want to be a good mom, she wasn't a good mom. Stuff like that."  
  
"What else? When did he come live with you and your mom?"  
  
"When I was five, my mom got put away into a hospital for a year. It was just my dad and me and after she got out, my dad left a couple weeks later. So my uncle moved in to help take care of me, and her. He used to smack me around but never really hard- just to show me a lesson or make me jump. And my dad used to hit me so I was used to being smacked up the head or shoved into walls when I didn't get out of the way or when they went through too much alcohol. An.  
  
"After a couple months he. he start coming into my room late at night. He'd get into bed with me. It started with him jacking off next to me but then. he'd touch me, pretend that it was game, something everyone did. Say if my dad was around he'd do it too. Have me touch him, say he was just teaching me, showing me what grownups did. Said if I ever told anyone, he'd kill my mom, he'd hurt her, and it would be my fault. He said if I ever told her, she'd go away again and it'd be my fault and it would be just him and me.  
  
"After like 3 month of him just touching he started to. he'd fuck me. I'd tell him I didn't want to, that it hurt, and he'd say that didn't matter. He'd say it was my fault he was doing it, that I had asked for it, that I wanted it. That I was a cocksucker, cause I sucked his cock, know? Calling me a faggot when I didn't even know what that was, but I believed him. Cause he was the adult, and adult are supposed to be the smart ones, the ones you're supposed to listen to.  
  
"My mom went away for a month, when I was seven, almost eight. That's when it got really bad. He'd take photos or take all my clothes and make me walk around the house naked, then would call me disgusting. He could beat me about the face and neck and stuff, because it was the end of the summer. It was like he was raping me all the time and. I just. He would get into showers with me, or rape me twice in one night. My mom came back and for a while he let up, she was on new medication and he seemed really nice all the time but then he started again, worse than before, would carry me into his room and make sleep on his bed when he was done. And I couldn't tell her because she was happy and if I told her. And he'd beat me pretty bad too- with belts or wooden spoons, with a really hot pot once that he grabbed off the stove and then made me clean up the soup that spilled all over the floor, or he'd hit me with whatever was around, but so nobody could see it. Then when I was eight, he started hiding her pills again and I couldn't, couldn't take it, him being mean to her, her crying all the time. I shot him but he didn't die! If he had died then I could have told but he didn't so I ran and when they found me I couldn't tell! He'd kill her! And now she's dead. And. and."  
  
"Ty, it's ok, it's ok." Tyler didn't know why Brian was hugging him, why he was rubbing his back, why Brian was shaking until Tyler realized he himself was shaking. And Brian was stable.  
  
Tyler felt cold. Tyler felt dirty. Tyler really wanted to be a rock, or be under a rock that no one could lift, like a myth or a fairytale. That wouldn't be punishment- that'd be heaven. 


End file.
